Bits and Pieces

MOOD SWINGS AND WAITING:
I've been having a few really bad days lately. Monday was cloudy and I was extremely weepy. Maybe I'm just feeling sorry for myself, or maybe it's that roller coaster ride of emotions during the waiting period. Nearer to my doctor's appointment (Wednesday) my mood changed.

By Wednesday, I was on top of the world. It was just a post-operative check-up that resulted in more waiting. My next appointment, with the oncologist, is September 28. Put up your hands, folks, it's time for the ride to take a dive!

We're still not certain if I'll have chemo or just radiation. To celebrate this possibility, I went out and purchased some hair color and razors!

IN SEARCH OF DAD'S NIPPLE:
I thought that I didn't have a hereditary risk factor, but I may. My father had a breast removed in 1960 (possibly male breast cancer?) and a testicle removed in 1966. (go ahead, giggle here) Of course, there's no one left who knows the specifics of these surgeries ... dad father passed in '93, and mom left this dimension about 3 year's ago.

In talking with my sister (who convinced herself she was an orphan in order to cope with the "family dynamics")didn't remember much either. We decided that, unless dad owed money to a loan-shark and missed a couple of payments, there was probably the possibility of cancer.

During my mother's days of mental clarity, told me the "testicle incident" was my fault. Apparently, I kicked him when I was a toddler. "Feet of Fury," eh? She, of course, spent more time describing the "expensive" hard-soled shoes I was wearing than the medical facts.

Now, let's do some math...I was born in 1956, and supposedly began walking at eight months ... so I'm probably wearing these until I was three...that's 1959. He didn't have surgery for "blunt trauma" until 1966???? Come on, mom, you can do better than that...how much more are you going to blame on me?

YIKES, she told me she didn't want a third child (me), now she's telling me I was responsible for my father losing a testicle? My mother, folks, the Queen of Tact!

Looking into my past is like opening Pandora's Box...

EMOTIONAL KICK TO THE GROIN:
Speaking of "kicks to the groin," I sustained an emotional kick when I read my pathology report. As mentioned previously, I have a crush on my surgeon ... then, I read the section of the path report entitled, "Physical Examination." In this section I'm described as: "Reveals a well developed, well nourished, obese white female appearing her stated age." OH MY GOD! No mention of my sparkling personality and dark, sensuous eyes? Anything besides this very clinical description of me? Maybe just a footnote that, "perhaps I saw her on a off-day!" Does he realize how harsh the lighting is in his examination room? Plus, I'm wearing that stupid gown with a small print pattern. Everyone knows that "larger women" should wear clothes with large designs. That gown also was a light blue...and pastels DO NOT blend with my skin coloring! Is that noted in the path report???? Of course not!!!

Is a path report like my credit history? Can I submit a note of explanation to accompany it???

Namaste,
Chele