Ode to my sweetheart:On September 17, 2007, I posted a blog entitled,"Pet Therapy" where I featured my loving golden retriever, Shelby. Since that time, Shelby was diagnosed with advanced stage lymphosarcoma. There was little we could do except keep her comfortable and hope to enjoy her for another six to twelve weeks.
In the meantime, Frank was out of town for a month to work his 'dream job' at spring training in Arizona. He was a parking lot attendant for the Oakland A's . She was diagnosed about a week after he left, and we had to say 'goodbye' to her about two weeks later.
Shelby was truly my friend 'who loved me when no one else did' -- even when I didn't love myself! She always had soggy head from my tears, but she gladly absorbed them for me. In my true 'woo-woo' thinking (as Frank calls it), I've wondered if she also absorbed my cancer.
A Peaceful Transition :
In the meantime, Frank was out of town for a month to work his 'dream job' at spring training in Arizona. He was a parking lot attendant for the Oakland A's . She was diagnosed about a week after he left, and we had to say 'goodbye' to her about two weeks later.
Shelby was truly my friend 'who loved me when no one else did' -- even when I didn't love myself! She always had soggy head from my tears, but she gladly absorbed them for me. In my true 'woo-woo' thinking (as Frank calls it), I've wondered if she also absorbed my cancer.
A Peaceful Transition :
Shelby was my second girl we've had to make the decision to euthanize it's always an extremely difficult decision. The last time, we were 'talked out of staying with her' by our veterinarian -- a decision that I've always regretted.
This was an extremely important moment for me. Since my diagnosis and subsequent treatment for Stage I breast cancer, my mother made her transition the weekend of my first chemo treatment, a good friend from high school made her transition in March, and Shelby was diagnosed with and made her transition on March 20 (first day of Spring).
They say that God only gives as much as you can handle. My psychiatrist says that we have to face all of our 'issues' sometime. According to him, we have a mind that can handle so much at one time, the rest we compartmentalize. As we handle those things our mind is holding (and empties), it's then filled with those things we've 'set aside!' It could be months or many years later...but, we must eventually address those issues.
While I still have much to 'address,' this moment with Shelby was very spiritual and awakening for my mind. It would seem that I wouldn't want to revisit that experience, but because of the profound spiritual nature of it, it actually helps me to keep my life on track --- keep things in perspective.
To be with her, in that moment, all other thoughts vanished from my mind. I've tried to meditate, to quiet the 'noise' in my head, but I've never achieved the level of mindfulness and 'living in the now' as I did that Spring day in the vet's office with Shelby.
Going Home:
While our house is filled with other wonderful dogs and cats, there was a definite emptiness when I returned home from the vet's office. My other 'kids" didn't react to her illness, but there was a real sense of loss for many days after we said, "goodbye."
She's remains with us now. Her ashes are in a beautiful Mexican-pottery urn (that Frank brought back from Arizona), and her spirit is alive in my life ... as long as I stay present in the now and keep my mind from being distracted by shenpa (attachment), I can feel her presence and comfort.
Thank you, Shelby, for your beauty, love, happiness, spirit and loving kindness you graced us with for such a short while! God bless you, sweetheart!
Namaste,
Chele
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